...here i go.

i give up.

2005-04-08T21:04:00.000+08:00

it's kinda hard updating 2 different blogs... so, i have decided ---

---i'm keeping the other one. teehee... ^_^ sorry blogspot...

http://www.livejournal.com/users/13thangel

update your links my dear friends...

2005-04-04T17:52:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.
Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.
You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!
People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

2005-04-02T13:24:00.000+08:00

You owe me nothing in return
by Alanis Morisette

i'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance
if you want it
i will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want
if you need it
you can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs
and i'll hold it
you can share your so-called shame-filled accounts of times in your life
and i won't judge it
and there are no strings attached to it

you owe me nothing for giving the love that i give
you owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
i give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege
and you owe me nothing in return

you can ask for space for yourself and only yourself
and i'll grant it
you can ask for freedom as well or time to travel
and you'll have it
you can ask to live by yourself or love someone else
and i'll support it
you can ask for anything you want anything at all
and i'll understand it
and there are no strings attached to it

i bet you're wondering
when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
i bet you're wondering
when my conditional police will force you to cough up
i bet you're wondering
how far you have now danced your way back into debt
this is the only kind of love as i understand it
that there really is

you can express your deepest of truths even if it means i'll lose you
and i'll hear it
you can fall into the abyss on the way to your bliss
i'll empathize with
you can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion
and i'll hear it
you can even hit rock bottom have a midlife crisis
and i'll hold it
and there are no strings attached to it

there are no strings attached to it...

charing.

2005-03-28T18:00:00.000+08:00

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	everlasting

Quiz created with MemeGen!

emerald.

2005-03-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

as the sun peeks through the clouds
and brightness covers the ground
a flower sways from shade to light
and reaches for the warmth outside
but as the clouds smother the sun again
the flower, in its state of being bent
breaks where there once was a glow
and wilts with its roots below.

2005-03-26T12:40:00.000+08:00

BLUE

wanna know yours? CLICKEE HERE!

i'm late, yet again.

2005-03-26T12:29:00.000+08:00

hay, hay, hay... it's been a while huh? =) haven't been in the mood to write anything lately, so, yeah. not that there hasn't been any interesting thing to write about, it's just that too much craziness is happening that it felt too exhausting for me to write them all down... ^_^

anywho, i am currently on the 3rd day of our 4 day (technically 2 day) holy week break... i've had nothing else to do at home but eat, watch tv, eat, FREAK OUT, eat, watch more tv, eat more junk, and sleep ocassionally... i tried to play CS yesterday, but my PC's gone whack and it kept lagging... grr. now, i am contemplating on whether or not to answer our statpro take home exam already... not that i don't want to do it, i wanna get it over with actually... but i'm too lazy... and i think i don't know shit about the exam... teehee... ^_^ i hafta answer it sooner or later though... and i probably would be able to in a while coz aeo's gonna call for help with HIS statpro homework --- i told him i knew a little bit about probabilities... heheh. WHAT?! i didn't lie... i do know A LITTLE BIT... =p

let's see, what good stuff can i tell you guys about? hmmm... ah! a few weeks ago, our helper called me to the kitchen... when i got there, she pointed out something stuck under the mat outside the backdoor... she was asking me if it was a snake... looking at it, i thought it was just an earthworm coz it was about that big... but she kept insisting it was a snake... i took some salt from the pantry to check if it was indeed just a worm, but when i threw at it --- it didn't budge.

it WAS a friggin' snake... =o

ate ga ended up pouring boiling water over the thing until it died... i still didn't freak out at first coz i was thinking of how small it was... but then, when my aunt found out and asked:

"kung maliit na ahas yun, asan yung nanay?!"

i freaked out. -_-

but anywho... the snake issue is long gone... lumampas na sa sobrang tagal ko magupdate... heheh... ^_^ but like i said, a lot of crazy things have happened over the period of my hiatus... some GOOD-crazy, some BAD-crazy, some UNFORGETTABLE-crazy (i'm still smiling... =D) and some MIND BOGGLING-crazy (i think too much, it hurts... =p) but nonetheless, i've been on one hell of a rollercoaster ride...

...and the loops are still to come. *sigh*

snowflake.

2005-03-04T15:16:00.000+08:00

i came through, slowly, armed
with but a rush of blood and an open mind.
it was a beginning of sidewalks and pavements,
keeping to the safest side.
i memorized the ground i walked on,
i searched for cracks, and tripped on them all.
the four winds blew all at the same time.
nothing but thorns to hold --- it's them or a pall.

i found comfort in a fleece i found
though not of gold, but of winter's warmth.
i felt and admired every thread
and was struck with beauty so profound.
i held on through spring, summer and autumn,
and it burned through the bite of snow.
the seasons turned, twice over and more
yet some weaves went unnoticed in the cold.

my aura.

2005-03-03T15:40:00.000+08:00

What color is your aura? CLICKEE HERE... ^_^

2005-03-03T02:01:00.000+08:00

hearing them sing this song last night made me cry:

Worlds Apart
by Jars of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow, it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I float too high And like Icarus, I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans
More abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

(To love you) Take my world apart
(To need you) I am on my knees
(To love you) Take my world apart
(To need you) Broken, on my knees

Said and done, I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe, are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need You now
I owe You more each passing hour
Battles between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
My sin-soaked heart, make it Yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now

And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and blow away I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
Wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
Steal my heart, take the painTake the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray Take my world apart...

somebody show me love. =p

2005-03-03T01:41:00.000+08:00

got home a couple of hours ago from the jars of clay concert in araneta... (yes, friends, pinayagan po ako... =p)

IT ROCKED MY WORLD!!!

as in naloka kami ni cali... heheh... no wonder they've been around for so long, i had goosebumps the whole time... even if the songs weren't for jamming, you just had to stand up because of all the energy that's in you... there were times of screaming, jumping, and ocassional head banging too... ^_^ i don't care if i end up sounding cheesy, but the whole experience was spiritually uplifting... seiously! coming out of araneta, it's like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders... everything looked nice, and i felt so giddy in a quiet sort of meditative kind of way... heheh... it's really hard to explain... but it was one of the best concerts i've ever been to... ^_^ aeo and his merville friends were supposed to be there too... but they had a little mix up of time... they thought the concert was gonna start later (about 2 hours later) than it really did... i don't know if they ever made it to the concert coz he didn't have load, but i hope they did... =) oh! and coco was there too... he approached me on our way to the ticket booth... lucky young man he is... he got FREE, FRONT ROW SEATS to the concert! aargh! so, so lucky... d'ya guys think it's in the hair? ^_^

yes, ofcourse... something else happened... when they sang unforgetful you, a guy from the audience (and his girlfriend of 10 years) got to sing it with them... at first, i wanted to smack 'em both out of jealousy... =p but when he said it was their 10th year anniversary, and he pulled out a ring from his pocket, i was crazy for them... ^_^ it was the sweetest thing, and it made the atmosphere even more uplifting... of course, we're still not sure if the girl said yes because she wanted to, or because it was too public to get out of... harhar! =p i wish them both the best...

woohoo! JoC hangover ito!!! ^_^

surprisingly sweet.

2005-02-24T23:41:00.000+08:00

there's nothing i'd want to forget...
no detail i'd fail to remember...
and no moment i'd ever regret. ^_^

i wanna go to the jars of clay concert!!!
waaah! sana payagan...

queen of swords.

2005-02-23T14:37:00.000+08:00

yep... that's me... the queen of swords --- according to my first ever tarot card reading... ^_^ uh huh... this really cool freshman girl (whos voice i've never heard until today.) knew how to read tarot... miss mia was the first one today, then me, then miss cielo came next i think... it was really cool..! the great thing was, she wasn't really telling us things we don't already know... it's like, the tarot cards echo our subconscious... it just re-iterates the things we are aware of, but fail to acknowledge... it gives some form of affirmation, the hit that buries the nail and all... family, career, realationships, she covered everything... she helped me without telling me anything too specific that it would run my life for me... aaah --- seriously, it was amazing. i wanted to cry... heheh... cheesy! ^_^

oh, and the girl's friend (there's a reason why i'm not naming names... i don't think it's right.), a freshman guy, was a palmist... again, he hit the nail... things from the past, my first heartbreak (not romance related), my personality... so cool... ^_^

there was one thing though, that they bought read out of me... both the tarot, and the palmistry found me as a strong person... yes, can you believe that?! to think i feel so weak... shit! that's right! omg. i AM the queen of swords...

the card of the QUEEN OF SWORDS:

a strong woman, with a strong personality,
but is bombarded with emotional struggles
bringing her to doubt herself and her capabilities.

oh duvah?! maloka daw ba ako... *sigh*

but seriously, it helped... thanks to both of you... ^_^

2005-02-22T03:38:00.000+08:00

The day we said goodbye
by HALE

Take me as you are, push me off the road
The sadness, I need this time to be with you
I'm freezing in the sun, I'm burning in the rain
The silence, I'm screaming, calling out your name.

And I do reside in your light
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah you'll lose the side of your circles
That's what I'll do if we say goodbye.

To be is all I gotta be
And all that I see, and all that I need this time
To me, it's the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight.

The calmness in your face
That I see through the night
The warmth of your light is pressing unto us
You didn't ask me why
I never would have known, oblivion is falling down.

If you could only know me like your prayers at night
Then everything between you and me will be all right.

To be is all I gotta be
And all that I see and all that I need this time
To me, it's the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight.

(S)he's already taken, (s)he's already taken
(S)he's already taken me..
(S)he's already taken, (s)he's already taken
(S)he's already taken me..

The day you said goodnight.

bad day.

2005-02-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

woke up late again this morning... i even forgot that it was our webdes class --- i thought we were having gamedes... what gives?

gamedes starts at 10, webdes starts at 9...

damn it.

i got to school at 11am and it was just then that i realized how disoriented i've become... friggin' tummy ache that was... it disappeared before i went to sleep but came back right after breakfast... i hoped to get a seat at the mrt, but it was only at Edsa Central that i got to rest... the pain went on until after lunch... after that, i didn't understand what was wrong with me anymore... if i haven't been skipping any meals (not ulcer), drinking anything carbonated (not kabag), and eating anything acidic (not hyperacidity) --- what the heck do i have?!?

surprisingly, something actually made it worse... we finally had our statpro midterms today... and what was supposed to be a 2-hour test, it became a 3-hour battle that gave all of us headaches... and i didn't have just the ordinary kind... i had that type of headache that made you feel like your pulse is on your head, and it's a thousand times louder... i even blacked out on my way to miss mia's office... poof! everything went black for about 3 seconds... i had to get a hold of the wall beside me... once i got there, i curled up on the sofa holding my bag and both pillows tight around my tummy... standing or sitting straight made it hurt even more, and looking up made my headache worse... (if you read my last post, you'd remember that all my upper teeth hurt as well.) miss cielo and miss mia were kind enough to offer me medicine, hot water and all that... but the medicine didn't work, to be honest, my tummy hurt even more after taking it... and it still hurts right now. even after i've eaten my dinner... -_-

aigoo. this has been a bad day... i'm tired.

i missed it again. =(

2005-02-20T20:22:00.000+08:00

got home from oj's birthday twisting like hell... my tummy hurt so bad... i thought it was just hyperacidity or something... but somehow tita reina figured out it was ulcer... -_- i've been missing lunch for weeks (not intentionally.) and i think she's right, it finally caught on to me... add to that my newly adjusted/stacked breces... ugh! the pain... =( my dentist added another wire over and under the original wire on my upper set of teeth... it's this really, REALLY thick and heavy wire that's looped at the center... gulay, pangconstruction yata to eh! my dentist had a hard time bending it for crying out loud..! the two hooks near my molars scratched the inside of my mouth... may dalawa na akong singaw sa parehong side ng pisngi... iiyak na talaga ako..!

what's worse? i wasn't able to attend mass today... my tummy hurt so bad that i couldn't stand up... just a little stretch made me feel like my insides were burning... i hate missing mass... coz if ever i do get there too late, i always pass by the adoration chapel to pray... and i didn't get to do even that... *sigh* damn tummy.

i need to lie down now.

tsonggito blues.

2005-02-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

9am today was supposed to be our statpro midterms... but sir darius decided to move it on monday because most of our quiz1 scores sucked... -_- he still gave us a test though, on permutation and combination... and the review about quiz1 helped me a lot...

DA also had a basketball game today against SE... early in the day, i thought SE was gonna win by default... we were only sure about 3 tags coming to play... it was a good thing that jedi, ian, and aeo decided to come through --- and gian wasn't late... heheh... uh, we lost. but it's all good i think... we know we played a good game... and a lead of 3 points don't really say much to me...

hahah! bitter ba ito? =p

hindi naman... eto ang bitter >> the gang planned a post-valentine get together today at congo grille... a lot of us were there... even hersh and ralph got to go... i just feel really bad about not being around for a thing like this AGAIN. but i tried... for me, at least i did... but a no is a no and i'd rather not go into another petty conflict with my mom... i'm gonna suck it in until i believe it's not right to keep going along with it anymore... for now, i'm only looking forward to graduation.

kumbaga, nakabaon na ang time capsule ko... in 2 years, i'm gonna get back the things i put on hold... (kunyari may gyung-woo din na darating tapos sabay namin bubuksan... heheh... =p)

i've been holding my breath for 18 years, what's 2 more right? ^_^

caught in a heatwave.

2005-02-18T22:32:00.000+08:00

we had our gamedes class at the Edsa Shang today... actually, we were first told that the expo was gonna be at the podium... but it turns out that it was really at edsa shang... podium was only housing the anime film showing... anywho, it was a pretty good experience at the e-services expo... sir don and the others were already signed up when i got there (except for lester)... and it was a good thing, because they were able to warn me about siging up... joanne and the others had stickers saying: STUDENT... as it turns out, if they hadn't written 'student' in the occupation, they would've gotten a visitor ID which was cooler... (in a geeky sort of way. =p)

naturally, our first stop was at the Maya booth... it was really cool coz i got to watch some videos on how Alias Wavefront started out, Maya's history and all that... very, very impressive..! there was also the philippine animation booth where we found out about the free anime film showing in podium... after that, we discovered that paul had a perfect fingerprint... heheh... =D i forgot the name of the booth, but it was promoting a time-keeper for working environments... it scans the employee's fingerprint, verifies the identity from the database, and times him in... it was so impressive that we just had to refer it to the school... even we could use it... (sorry na lang sa mga di masyadong punctual kagaya ko... =p) and last, but definitely not the least, the most fun booth we visited, KellPhil Inc... they were promoting a new rendering software (like maya)... the software's called SHADE and was developed in Japan... sir don tried using it, and it really wasn't that bad... it was more user friendly, took up less memory from the hard drive, and was way more inexpensive... and the coolest thing was, if you bought the software, they'd give you all the training you need on using it then they'd be the ones to hire you and give you projects after...

...very tempting indeed. ^_^

well that's about it... it sucks though... i missed myles' and ian's birthday celebrations... we got back from podium at 3pm and i still had 3 hours of clerical work to finish... =( not like i did anything anyway... miss chat had nothing else for me, but she said i'd have to stay in the library until my hours are through for them to count... i spent the whole afternoon watching ate ann's wedding craze, going along with trax' severe laugh trip, and letting marion drive us crazy with serious icky-love-stuff discussions... ^_^ miss chat even got to chip in the chaos... in ate ann's search for a wedding gown, she said she found the perfect honeymoon lingerie for miss chat... heheh...

kaso sabi ni miss chat, bakit pa daw, wala na lang daw kahit anong suot... muhaha!

that'd be enough to give you guys nightmares for a week... =D

stuck in a moment.

2005-02-17T16:35:00.000+08:00

i told someone once, long ago:

"sobrang sarap ng feeling..! this should be enough to last me until next time."

next time ain't anywhere near, but what i said seems to be holding its ground... ^_^

i have scattered thoughts, but to me they make sense.

2005-02-16T23:51:00.000+08:00

i have an inborn obligation to suck it in, and let the storm (e.g. motherly tantrums) take its course... i have a responsibility to make my life better the way i know how... my views are mine, and i make them for reasons only i am supposed to understand... some may as well, but if they don't, nobody's to blame: "different folks, different strokes" as miss mia always says... i know myself best, and i am what i am (as the gay song goes... =p)

hear no assumptions. speak no assumptions. and foresee no assumptions. >> a new rule.

i should know how i feel, recognize it, then rub it off if it won't do me any good... i shouldn't stop myself from feeling or thinking about things i'd rather forget... because if i stop thinking about them, if i don't recognize them, and acknowledge them --- what's there to rub off?

i should learn to see things on a thousand perspectives, with a tight grip on mine...

i should tuck my green monster in at night, and leave him there on my pillow for the day ahead... if he's still there when i get back, there's always tomorrow, i have a whole day again without him breathing at my back...

never compare yourself to other people. >> a good friend said. because you'll never have a fulfilled life...

meaning isn't everything... sometimes things just happen cause their supposed to... although sincerity isn't in doubt, and purpose isn't forced, meaning shouldn't mean anything unless enforced... malabo lang talaga minsan.

*sigh*

on the sleepiest day of my life, i woke up. (ironic ba ito sir patrick? =p)

thank you sir ando and miss mia... oh, and astrid too... ^_^

ZZzzZzzz.

2005-02-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

damn these past few days... i've been SOOO sleepy! wish ko nga dito sa bahay ako antukin eh, kaso hindi... sa school ako nakakatulog... yesterday, i fell asleep in the library while i was reading the cask of amontillado. today, while waiting for gold to finish with my pc, i fell asleep in miss mia's office... and i mean DEAD asleep... i think i was there for an hour... and when i finally woke up, i couldn't get up... i just lay there while rod spilled some "confidential" stuff about certain people he knows... heheh... issues. =p

got my mom to extend my going home time today... had to finish the friggin' maya scenes for our midterms in gamedes... i gave up the first time (30mins after class), but i lost my PC... so when i got a hold of it again, i didn't stop... i haven't been very punctual in my gamedes classes and there's a lot i have to make up for... and personally, i think my slightly mutated hand would pass for an acceptable work... ^_^ by the way, i just discovered that i am a member of another org... heheh... VIASOC... how did i find out? ate aiathe asked me about my cellphone number yesterday... she said something about sir don including me in something... then today, she pulled me out of my SA, into room 302, so that judd could tell me that i have to take pictures (poverty vs. affluence), submit them by the end of the month so they could be part of the exhibit on march... =o talk about a shocker... but anywho, i think it's gonna be fun... ima be able to explore something new...

2005-02-15T22:35:00.000+08:00

"I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion

Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
And nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Please be...
Save me...
I cry."

2005-02-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

"if today were the last of all days,

will it change how you feel who you are..?"

1 day. 3 bombings. damn you people.

2005-02-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

my mother asked me to switch the tv to local news... and seeing the words "explosion" and "ayala mrt" was enough to freak me out... i started calling my college friends who were still in school, and those who i knew were about to go home... friggin' sun cellular! not being able to contact my friends immediately made me freak out even more...

i got to contact niel and kapow first... they were almost ready to go on the mrt when the explosion happened below them on the station... they heard the sound, and felt the ground shake beneath them... that made them run out and back to school... next i was able to check on joel whom i knew always took a bus home from below the mrt station... he said he was with francis and nina at pizza hut when the bus exploded... it was a huge blessing considering the fact that one of the three buses caught on the explosion could've been his...

my heart couldn't stop racing (it still hasn't) that i just had to text everyone in school to be careful going home... i can't even explain the fear i had... damn it. damn all those who did this! and finding out that there were two other explosions in general santos and davao made me hate them even more... a news flash a while ago stated that the abu sayyaf took responsibility for the explosions, but tita bardie said it was bullshit...

last year, the misuari breakaway group (MBG) gave gloria macapagal arroyo an ultimatum... if she didn't raise the economy of the country in a hundred days, they will take action... fast forward to this year, there was a recent encounter between the AFP and the MBG in Jolo... dozens of soldiers and militants were killed... the AFP were sent to jolo initially to look for the abu sayyaf troupes... the MBG claimed that in the AFP's pursuit, they hit a member of MBG, and this triggered the whole thing... but in reality, civilians got hit, but the MBG claimed them to be able to start a logical fight and get noticed...

back to the explosions... there are now two posibilities: it could be a diversionary tactic BY THE ADMINISTRATION to take the people's attention away from the jolo incident... why? because they're afraid that the real issue behind the attack would come out... that the people would realize it was a deal gloria made (and neglected eventually) with Misuari that made them angry; or, it could be some form of a call from a number of militant groups... telling the MBG and the Abu Sayyaf that they have them on their side... (how heartless can they be?!)

either way, everything was about greed, selfishness and the claim for power. all those lives wasted for some stupid ego trip..!

damn them all!

if i were gloria, i would clean up my act right about now... in the first place, she shouldn't have given the cabinet positions out for the sake of utang na loob... who told her anyway to raise her ganda points by promising her friends such responsibilities? now look who's taking the beating... and promising to release misuari just so she can get mindanao's votes?! WTF?!

i don't know anymore... i've never been this worked up about a political issue... maybe the fact that my friends could've gotten hurt drove me to the edge... i'm pretty sure this isn't something i'd forget anytime soon... i'm gonna keep myself posted on this one...

they're all so mean... evil.

the last straw.

2005-02-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

i've broken it...

now everything has gone numb.

edited: i'm trying to keep my side of the seesaw.